After my awful one night stand, my partner is falling apart?

I admitted it to him a month ago, but he is desperately trying to forget it and move on as am I.


I am disgusted with myself. It was a hideous mistake, I gave someone a lift home and accepted a drink and one thing regrettibly lead to another. I told him out of shame, although he thinks I told him because somebody else would have. He doesnt believe it was a mistake, he believes it was planned out.


we can't make love, or when we do its so emotional, and all the time I can imagine that he's thinking about me with somebody else (because he is.) He says he needs me to do something rather than just tell him I love him and it will never happen again etc, he needs to see some action, he needs me to talk about it, and he needs to make love to me without thinking that. Please somebody, if you have some advice it would be greatly appreciated.|||Your screwed. The only thing that will make things better is time. Time for you to prove you are sincere in your apology and time to prove it won't happen again. You have a long and painful road ahead. Next time call the other guy a cab.|||Ouch. I have no advice to give really. At least you confessed. He must be devestated. I feel for you but I can understand why he is having such a hard time. I suggest couples counseling for you both. So you can both understand why you took the risk to destroy your relationship for a quick lay and how you can move past it and rebuild the trust that was lost. It may be that your not ready to commit. You both face a hard road. Good luck.|||Leave for awhile and see if he comes after you. This is no kind of relationship and these problems don't just magically go away, either. It takes a ton of work, and mostly on your part.





For some odd reason, you seem to think it is really significant whether it was planned or "the drinking." I see no distinction, sorry.|||have you considered going to couples therapy? sometimes it helps to speak with someone with an unbiased opinion and can see it from both your point of views. A lot of the times they can suggest ways to communicate with each other and can aid in the healing process. Sometimes your medical insurance will cover it.|||That IS NOT a mistake.


I would have to search my soul. it would take a while to see if I had it in me to ever forgive you.


He will need that time give it to him. You were wrong.


don't bug him . he has to come back to you on his own.


Let him work it out.|||Well it seems that it doesn't take very much for you to be unfaithful. A couple of drinks?


If you wanna get over this ,then get a woman and have a threesome.then you will see how bad he is hurting when you see him with another woman.|||You shouldn't have cheated on him in the first place if you really loved him....your fault. There is nothing you can do to make him feel better about it...you slept with someone else. Dont know what to tell you on this one....stop being a S##t...|||Get him a whip like a cat o' nine tails and some good hemp rope and let him take it out on you. However it must be consensual and you have to use a safe word. Otherwise it's illegal.|||The only chance you have is counseling. It's not even a good chance but it's probably the only one. You crossed a line that you can never cross back. Sorry for your loss.|||cry. get on your knees. beg him to forgive you %26amp; swear on your life you will never do it again- he needs to see that you are as distraught %26amp; physically sick over it as he is.|||He may never get over it. You may have lost him for good. I do not believe in those types of accidents. I hope you had fun. You will forget it long before he does.|||I think that once a person has cheated every thing changes and no matter how hard you work at it....the relationship is never the same....That person never Truly forgets...and will have a hard time ever trusting u again..|||Go to couples therapy and find out if your relationship is worth saving. Neither of you can decide alone.|||Time is the only healer here- you need to show him how devoted to him you are and keep it going.|||Stop being a slag.|||You again? Don't you have better things to do?|||Unfortunately this is another case of angst that shouldn't have been made available to him since he can't handle the truth. It's too late but since you made a mistake cheating on him you should have kept it bottled up and dealt with it internally. Nonetheless now that it's out he either needs to come to terms with it or your marriage is shot. He needs some counseling or time alone to deal with his thoughts and feelings. He's understandably hurt but carrying it to an extreme. If he won't go to counseling of some sort I don't see how you can live with a man who has no sense of forgiveness and is acting so dramatic with no closure in sight. Good luck|||I agree with the above answer, therapy can help. If you are unwilling or unable to do so, then u did the first step and told him about it. now just be there, prove to him u love him and let it go. the more u let it eat u up inside the more it will tear your relationship apart. He obviously loves you, or he would have left you. just know that and do whatever u can now to show him u love him. the most important part is: YOU need to move on from this "aweful one night stand" before the relationship can. It's the only way.|||well i tell ya something like that just doesn't disappear overnight or as soon as you wish it could..


the deed has been done and at this point all you can do is show how much you do care for him and how sorry you are.. it's on him how long he stays angry at this and move on.. even though he may forgive there's no forgetting.. it's just to deep of a cut to heal like new again...


take the time to be patient and show ..cause actions do speak louder than words..


hopefully in due time you guys can be happy again...


*advice: don't drink without him again*|||"Needs to see some action"???





Like what?





Here's the answer....and if you're smart you'll take this to the bank. For starters we won't belabor the point that your conduct is reprehensible. If this is what one lousy drink does to your morals and standards you'd be wise to never let alcohol touch your lips again...ever.





Now...although he may love you and you he there isn't any 'action' that can be taken to 'correct' this situation. If a person loves another then they take the chance and despite their feelings at the time they go with the assumption the 'word' of the other party is now binding. Why? Because this, my dear, is your last chance to pull your head out of your backside and make amends by staying on a straight and narrow course.


Your partner is actually in no position to make a demand. Especially an unreasonable one as this. In fact this type of demand is the same type as saying 'Well, you screwed around on me so I'll do the same to you and we're 'even'".





You've admitted to it and explained yourself. There is no other reason for you to ante up and place more on the table. That's servitude. If he can't live with this and consider your admission and promise to be true to be binding then perhaps you'd be wise to cut your losses and give him the heave-ho.


One should not have to be held hostage for a terrifically poor error in judgment.|||Imagine how gut wrenchingly awful it feels for him. Ask yourself how you would feel if he'd been the one that went astray ? Right now he's not thinking straight, jumping to conclusions, and probably not even sure he wants to be around you.


The good news is that you're still together despite the obvious hurt you've caused, so there is still hope, but only time will tell as to how it pans out. Tread carefully, and if you want to stay with your guy, work on letting him now how much he really means to you. Sorry I can't give any better advice than that. Good luck.|||You should have never told him. Now you lighten your guilt but left him to handle the pain. It did no good to tell him, it only served to hurt him and the marriage. The only thing you can do now is to take it one day at a time and use each day to make it up to him. He has been hurt deeply by your betrayal and I am sure you are deeply sorry but you now have to give this the time it takes to heal and that will be a very long time. He may even seek revenge by cheating himself. Cheating can be devastating to any relationship and without hard work to repair the damage it creates a marriage can fall apart quickly. Don't go at this alone. Get yourselves into marital counselling to help you both walk through this very difficult time in your marriage. Good luck to you both!|||Been Hurt as well and the only thing you can do is to allow him to ask questions and talk about it when he needs to .I know you wish you could change it all,But only time will tell if he can get past what you have done to him.Also you have to try to not think about it either because forgiving starts in you ,Expect him to be upset he has the right,And time will tell if it is possible for him to move on .He must love you or he would have broken up with u .I wish yah the best and realize drinking is no good nothing but troubles comes from drinking,|||You need to separate for a while and you need to stop drinking and offering rides.


Do you have enough answers now?








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In Marriage %26amp; Divorce - Asked by Jackie T - 10 answers - 1 week ago - Resolved|||This will take a very long time for him to get over, IF he ever does. He may never be able to get over it and it may end up in a break-up.





You have to give him whatever he wants, access to your cell phone, questioning about your whereabouts. He may forgive but never forget.





You have to be open about what you're doing for every second of your life and let him know you are willing to do that.





It also sounds like its too early for you two to be having sex. There are too many negative thoughts surrounding it.|||Unfortunately there isn't too much you can do to ease his mind aside from wait and continue to reassure him as much as possible. I'm not going to sit here and reprimand you for your mistakes, because it seems to me you already know what you did wrong. If you and your husband are willing to try to move on and forget about what happened, then that is between the two of you.





He says he wants you to take action, although I don't really know what action there is you could possibly take to help how he feels. I can think of a few lack of actions -- like do not give anyone rides home anymore, and also do not allow yourself opportunity to be alone with a member of the opposite sex, ever again. If you tell your husband these things, I'm sure it would help him a little bit.





Other than that, be completely open and honest with him -- your life is an open book. Allow him to check your messages if he so chooses, and do not hide anything from him again. Otherwise, just time. It's going to take a long time for the scars of his pain and betrayal will heal, and you will need to be very, very patient.





Good luck.|||I agree with Quasimodo. There is no action you can take. You can only assure him that you won't do it again. And then don't do it again. Whatever circumstance caused this, you must avoid, drinking, being alone with men, etc.





I don't know about talking about it. It might give him images and it might be cathartic for you. I think it depends on your personalities. He seems to be obsessing on it. Given that, it might be good to avoid more details and focus on your remorse.





It is him that really has to do something. All you can do is speak reassuring words and not do it again.