My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?

okay well i just found out three weeks ago that my husband had sex with my friend one time and she got pregnant. (we were only engaged at the time) either way the whole time she was pregnant i was going to doctor with her and after the baby was born i was baby sitting hell i had her more than her mother did. i dont know what to do i love my husband more than anything or anyone in the world we have four children together and im happy with him, i just dont know what to do. he says and she says it was only one time. she told me about this 3wks ago the baby is a month shy of a year old. she told me the whole thing through a text message. he cried and said he doesnt want to lose me or his children and says he doesnt love her he wants his wife and kids. i dont know what to do i dont want my family to fall apart help me please!!!!!!!!My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?It sounds like you have a huge stake in this marriage and by in large it sounds like he has usually been supportive - like with your cancer surgery. I suggest that you try and salvage the relationship. Please remember that a purely physical fling is no where near the threat that an emotional affair would be to your relationship. I am in no way minimizing your hurt - but well over half of all marriages with infidelity are salvaged.



One thing I would share is that the old marriage is over - it died with his cheating and you will never be content and feel the trust you need to unless you two rebuild a better marriage that is more satisfying for both of you. Yes, it will require work from both of you and yet if you do it, I suspect you will look back on this as a watershed experience that will drastically alter your life and lead to a much better and stronger relationship in the future. I know, 15 years ago my wife had a emotionally involved affair and we choose to rebuild a new and better marriage. I would never want to go back to the old marriage and it ws a good one by most standards - but this new one is markedly better and more fulfilling in every way.



I wish you every happiness. You can always end a relationship and a marriage, but with your pain comes great opportunity as well. I think you will be glad over the long term if you opt to try the pathway of redemption and will reap rewards right now unimagined. In many ways the closeness of a couple is shown not by the time spent together but by the challenges jointly overcome.



If you decide to rebuild, please understand you are opting for a marriage that is not going to be meeting your needs right now and a husband who probably desires more than anythng else to get this into the past. He needs to be willing to agree to talk about it as much as you need, for as long as you need, be is months or years, and work to win back your love and trust. He needs to know you are trying but you cannnot promise - that even after investing some months you might find your have no solution except for separating.



The old marriage failed and marriages are a joint project so you are going to have to face the fact that in some ways you also failed the marriage - yours may only be 1% to his 99% but it is extremely helpful for both of you to face this as a joint failure and one that requires a joint solution. Don't expect overnight solutions - it may take months to even a couple of years before you begin to "feel' like yourself and realize feelings for him once more.



As far a your friend is concerned - you face the same issues. If you want to salvage her friendship you will have to decide if she is willing to be a partner in preventing all such occurances in the future. She needs to show you that this one betrayal is not a refelction of who she really is, but a momentary abberant choice that hurts her deeply - most of all because she hurt her friend. if she does this you "may" be able to be friends.



In the end we all have the same weakness of the flesh and a single failure is not the worry that a patern, a long term or emotionaally involved affair are.



May God give you peace with your choice in time which ever way you choose. You have my empathy.My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?
Your husband obviously seems to love you and care about you. And he is sorry for his mistake, and I'm guessing he didn't repeat it again. Also the fact that you have four children, it would be a bad idea to leave him. You should try talking to him, and finding a way to get past this. There is no reason to leave a man that very clearly regrets what he did and wants to stay with you and his kids.My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?You and your husband needs to pay for the paternity. Then you need to find you some new friends and maybe even a new husband. If he loved you like he said he did this wouldn't have even happen and you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. If it was you i'm 100% sure he would have left you because he wouldn't be able to handle it. Find out if your husband has fathered this child and start from there.
this is hard to do but you cant ruin your present and your future because of a mistake done by someone else.you need to talk to both and be sure of what presently is in their heart.because of parents mistakes children had to suffer.think about that.and remember a Mother is like a god to children.My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?If he didn't want to lose you or hurt you, he should have kept it in his pants. He is not a good man, a good husband or a good father. He is a disgrace to humans. Get smart and leave this pig. You and your children deserve way better.



I would also go get an STD test and make sure you are not infected.My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?
Oh my God! This is terrible. I would leave hi sorry *** so fast, the dirt woul dchoke him. Him and your friend are no good. How could both of them do that to you at a moment when you were so low? how did it just happen? Were they just naked at the same place at the same time and fell into eachother?



Ok, maybe don't leave him, go to counselling first,see what haapens
Screw him. It's never a option for me. If they say they love you then your husband has a funny way of showing it. The ring is a symbol of your trust and love in each other and he managed to break it But it entirely up to you whether you give him another chance.My husband had a one night stand with my friend i dont know what to do?
Jst tak this in your stride rather than thinkin what 2 do jst try and forgiv him ..... this will not only help u steady ur thoughts bt also mak ur husband relise that rather than cryin over spilled milk 1 should mov 4ward ..... and yes dont break ur family 4 a sudden rush of blood
ok well its probley a bad idea to let them be togher aloan AT ALL. has he ever lied to you before? if he has you need to divorce him or he will just hurt you more. but if hes never lied to you before then jujst follow your heart nothing else i can say :(
it depends how strong your relationship is, but most cannot handle when the partner is cheating because its always like a dark cloud on the relationship and trust, maybe you should break up and move on
find a place in your heart to forgive your husband and go on with your life without your friend. she is not your friend but enemy. sometimes men behave like kids, they need our strength.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Go have sex and get pregnant with his friend's kid %26amp; see how he likes it.



The end.
come to me, and we do the same like your husband did to your friend.
if you still have love stay with him but she ain't much of a friend
leave him
Men who cheat cannot stop. It's an addiction. And when you think they will cheat on you again and you become accusative or suspicious they just go ahead and cheat. It's a sad and annoying cycle but you should leave him and make him pay child support like he wouldn't believe.



Also, how dare your friend sleep with your husband, bear his child, make you babysit, and text you about it? If you could divorce her too, I would tell you to. But since she is just a friend, get away from her.



You don't deserve to be treated the way your husband and friend treated you. People who behave that way need to just stay amongst themselves.
By law this is not his child...they were not married. She can prove it is his child, and she should be the one to initiate this. I've seen women get 9 paternity tests and still not find the Dad. She's having sex with at least 3 guys and some how your husband whom she sacked with one time got her pregnant? Come on, what did she call up or text three wives or guys and say...hey I think this is your kid but who knows? For someone who doesn't know much she sure has no trouble hurting you.



I'm sure she had some motivation to tell you this, and to be honest she probably told you this out of a selfish reason but I don't know what that reason was yet. Sometimes really immature women are just jealous of others being happy, so if you seemed happy to her then that could be it. Or perhaps she was briding your husband or wishes a chance with him. Maybe you should have a very open minded talk with your husband and ask him if he knows why she is saying this now.



In any regards, just stop being friends with this woman. Let her go from your life. This will be only one of a million things. If she wants to know info just say you've forgiven your husband and her but find it best to focus on your marriage without her as a distraction. This is assuming you've forgiven your husband and won't divorce him. If she ever contacts you guys about paternity, don't respond, let her get an order from a judge if she's so inclined (but don't say that to her as it might motivate her to do so). Don't help her voluntarily establish paternity either through blood testing or by giving her money.
forget the skank and work things out with hubby if thats what you want but like they say dont do it for the kids do whats best for you and for the children and if he continues to allow the stressors and cheating and lies then dump his *** and move forward you dont need any addes stressors 4 kids and health issues is enough i know you love him and i know he loves you so see what comes of it but do not DO NOT allow anymore stress or un nessesary bullshit to come about time being.



LOVE YORSELF 1st BEFORE NO MAN girlie!
1--"Only engaged at the time" does not at all justify what they did. It was a gross and major betrayal from start to finish. DO NOT MINIMIZE what happened here or the timeline. That's still disrespectful of YOU.



2--Personally, he'd be history, but...that's just me.



3--It sounds like he genuinely is sorry. Consider individual counseling for yourself and marital counseling for the two of you. See if that leads to a healing and renewal of your relationship--and works towards helping to keep your family together.



4--Your peace of mind comes FIRST and FOREMOST. If he's sorry, regretful, ashamed, embarrassed--good for him. Let him suffer a bit, he won't die.



You. Come. First. Now. Repeat this 20 times a day if necessary.



5--DO NOT STAY BC OF THE KIDS!!!



If the counseling helps you both turn a corner on this problem, then having both of you under the same roof is a bonus for the kids.



6--You need to invest in a better class of friends. Ditch her. Completely. Require that he do the same. Any violation of this, and he's so gone.



Hell, if he sees her walking down the grocery aisle at the corner store, tell him he needs to run in the opposite direction like he stole somethin' and the cops are hot on his tail.



7--At some point, before you drop kick her *ss into the ditches of your memory, one of you could visit her or offer to babysit the kid in your home.



Have your Q-tips ready. Take a cheek swab. Get it to a lab. This way you'll be able to find out for sure if the child is his or not, whether he might be on the line for child support or not, whether you want to arrange a visitation schedule...or not....



There are lots of labs doing paternity testing via DNA and other means (hair samples?) these days. Check with your doctor or local medical society, etc. on where to go, a reputable lab to perform the test, what you need to do and how, etc. This could confirm your worst fears OR give you and your husband peace of mind:



Another option if you want to get an answer on paternity is for your husband to go to court to force a test.



Basically in family court he just needs to say that he "thinks" the child is/might be his and he wants a definitive answer.



Get.



Busy.



Good luck honey, I know this is a horrible, horrible dream, but you can get through it.
Its hard to forget what your friend and husband have done.. but maybe you can give your husband another chance. Kids are the worst effected when a family is broken, thats the only reason why i am asking you to think over about your husband.



And for the people who suggested you that you should have a child with ur husbands friend... I just have to say one thing. What will be the difference between you and your husband then??( I understand that you cant have children now, but in any case.. I hate people advising you to lower yourself to that level)
Darlin, honestly you should do what you think is best for your kids.



If that means raising them on your own, then that's one way to go, but it sounds like you might be more inclined to forgive and forget, especially if this really was a one-time thing, and he's committed to the family.



Again, the kids are the most important. If your husband continues to be unfaithful and puts you and your children at risk (both financially and physically with the risk of disease), then you need to leave him. But, also, if he is honest, caring, and committed to providing and caring for the kids, and you still love him, then why make a tough situation any more difficult?