I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?

The last thing I need right now is rude, obscene comments. I already feel all of those things on my own. I need to know if I should tell my husband? He is an amazing person and what I did was wrong and I love him so much. Do I tell him or do I live with the guilt?I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?Tell him.



Marriages are to based on honesty truthfulness and trust. You broke all three of them by breaking one of the most special vows taken before the alter of God, or if not religious, in front of a judge and the flag of this country.



he will be angry, and he may separate for a time or might file for divorce permanently. Its not just about guilt however. It will mean 10 times in fixing the relationship after the anger and hurt fades if it comes from a very repentant you then if he finds out from someone else. It will be so much worse if someone else tells him. How do you know this guy you had the stand with won't tell him out of revenge or blackmail. He will always be able to hold this over your head and you will live for the rest of your life not just with the guilt but the fear of him finding out.



You also have to keep in mind a possible pregnancy and STDs that might result from this, it's not fair to let your husband be at risk so get tested.I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?
If it helps, I would want to know if my husband cheated on me ... self protection and the ability to make informed choices about my future and all that jazz.



EDIT: I am stunned by all the people telling you to lie to the guy, or at the very least lie by omission. He has a right to know what you've done so he can make a choice about whether or not he is willing to remain married to you. Lying solves nothing. I don't care about your guilt or that you will have to live with "knowing" what you did and how oh so horrible that will be or that you feel remorse ... that's no kind substitute for him being aware that you are not trustworthy (at least at this point) and being able to act accordingly. If you have any kind of self worth or backbone, fess up and let him decide where to go from there. If he finds out later on, you are guaranteed a more difficult time salvaging your marriage because not only will you have cheated on him and betrayed him in that way but you will have lied to him for x amount of time on top of it and the trust will be further broken.I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?Sara, you sound as though you are beating yourself up enough, so you never do this again and you take this story to your grave. Good luck to you and your marriage.
Tell him and be prepared to live with the consequences. At least you will have been honest about your mistake and can move forward with a clean conscience.I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?Live with the guilt. Look, I understand wanting to be honest, I really do. However, telling your husband is going to do him, and your marriage, exactly 0 good. As a matter of fact, it could destroy your marriage. So take this guilt, wrap it up, and use it. Use it by keeping it as a memory to prevent you from ever being even slightly tempted to cheat again!I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?
Keep it secret.
Would you want him to tell you?



What if while you were out having a one night stand with some guy, he was doing the same thing with some chick he met. Would you want to know about it or would you want him to keep it to himself?



Do you believe that what you don't know won't hurt you



Just something to ponder.I had a one night stand and I am married. Please help me?
If you don't tell him out of fear of the repercussions then you are living a lie and a life you don't deserve.



I wouldn't tolerate cheating, and I would want to know so that I could get him out of my life.
I feel honesty is always the best answer.

However, if you are honest you are going to have to face the fact that you may lose him in the process.

We are all human so we are going to make some mistakes. But sometimes mistakes cost and in this situation it may cost your husband.

I wish you guys the best and I hope it works out for you.

:)
You need to tell him. As bad as the consequences may be, you do not want to live with the guilt and shame for the rest of your life. If he really loves you, you can move past this together.
might be best to tell him get it over with the damage is all ready done now it is time to face the consequence for your actions
bury it....bury it with a shovel, then bury the shovel.
Sara, you sound like a sweet person who just made a mistake. Yes, it was a big mistake, but it's not the end of the world. Tell your husband. Yes, he will have the right to leave you, and it could ruin your marriage, but it's better to be honest than to lie (and yes, not telling him is lying to him). I know you wouldn't want your husband to lie to you, so don't lie to him. Tell him the truth. Yes, he might leave, but what if he doesn't? What if he loves you enough to work this out? I would rather hope than live forever with that much guilt.



When you tell your husband, why don't you pray before hand? Also, ask for forgiveness, and forgive yourself.
Yes tell him or the guilt will eat you up and then you will tell him when its too late and he leaves you
Would you want to know if he cheated on you?



I know that I would.
do not tell him your just gonna destroy your marriage and like you sayed it was just a 1 night stand dont worry about it :)
as tempted as I am right now to leave some "rude, obscene comment," I'll just leave it at this: You've made a mistake, now it's time to live with your consequences. Telling him or not telling him is your decision, and yours alone.
Do not tell him unless you want to ruin your marriage.

Go to a counselor, confess this or write down what you did and burn it.

Live with the guilt (which will kill you) til you go to your gave.

NEVER cheat on him again.
You have to ask yourself what the chances are of this dude popping back up in your life. Is there a chance he will come around or be looking to pursue you further? Any chance your husband will find out on his own or from a loose-lipped acquaintance? If the partner in your crime is a total outlier and will never be known through third parties who might spill your secret then you take this to the grave and don't let it happen again.

Sometimes these things are going to happen, and its not until it happens that you realize how bad they really are. It's your conscience, if you can handle the guilt, there's no reason to tell him.

Unless of course there is a reason for your infidelity, if you are unhappy or wanting to get out of the confines of marriage. If you like playing the field, perhaps you should tell him and get what you want, a divorce and your freedom to be alone.
You tell him and then live with the consequences. He'll either forgive you or not. Which ever way, learn your lesson and move on.
So you have discovered the "grass is NOT greener", the hard way. At this point, the most important question is, did your one night stand use a condom? If you had unprotected sex with him, you need to tell your husband to be tested for STD's immediately. You at least owe him that courtesy. If you are completely confident that a condom was used, and it did not break, you have to decide what to do next. As a husband, if my wife cheated one time because she was drunk, and it was really a one time thing, I don't really know if I would want to know. If your one night stand is a friend, co-worker, or your husband's friend, or if anyone else knows you cheated, chances are your husband will find out eventually anyway.

The only chance you have to keep this secret, is to never have contact with the one night stand again, and never tell ANYONE. Then spend the rest of your life spoiling your husband in an attempt to make it up to him, even if he never finds out.
Tell him. Better he hear from you than someone else.
I would say let sleeping dogs lie for now
can you live without him? that is the real question...because once you tell him he is either going to leave or every time you have an argument he will throw it in your face till you leave cause you cant take the accusations all the time. Nobody ever really wants to know. Really! Just don't do it again and love him forever.
Live with the guilt unless you want to lose him.
Some things are better left unsaid. this by far are one of them. The guilt and shame you have now is your punishment, live with it.Only if you want to end your marriage then you tell him.
I'm not saying lie to your husband but we all make mistakes, and if you have no intentions of doing it again I wouldn't say anything. We have all done things that we are not proud of and what good can come from it. But you have to find out what missing in you two's relationship that caused you to go there. Good luck, stay strong.
ok, so not a good thing to do, but i think if you will not do it again, telling him willhurt him more, you would be telling him to ease your guilt which isnt fare,



but if my busband cheated on me, i would rather find out now rather than later, i would felt the whole time was a lie ,

write a pros and cons list, it could make or brake your relationship



good luck
You need to tell him.
tell him, the guilt isn't worth it, and it would show and make things worse
Am I seriously the only female on here who is going to tell you to keep your mouth shut?

I am sorry but do NOT tell him, that will RUIN him. He will never be able to kiss you the same because he will always think about if he as good as him. He will NEVER go down on you again because another mans penis was there. And even if a man wont admit it, cheating is far worse in a mans mind!! He sees that as the ultimate betrayal. And a man more than likely will not stay with a woman who has been with another man while they were married. Hope this helps.