My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?

I have recently found out that my wife of 11 years has had a 1 night stand with some guy three months ago. I am realy struggling with how to deal with this. I realy wan't to make this work, she was the first and only girl I have ever been with and I think that is why I struggle with it so badly. She has had 4 different men befor we got together. I don't feal that I can trust her and sometimes even look at her. I have not been doing my part with the 3 kids that we have together or the house work for the last 3 years and realy recognized that after she left me for two weeks and I kept the kids. I did not realize that this amount of work went into trying to keep a house hold going and the stress that it caused her because of this. She siads that she felt neglected and like I didn't love her for anything but sex. What should I do? Has anyone else gone through this and what were the outcomes? She siads that she wants to try to make this work and to go see a marrige counsler and we are starting that tomarrow. But I fear that I can't ever trust her again and she still wants to go out with out me this weekend. I don't know how to deal with that either. any advice would be great.



I was an over the road truck driver for 7 years of this relationship I told her that if she would go to school and be able to provide for the family for a few years that I would come home and do the same and she did do just that and 3 years ago I came home to take care of my family and go to collage, I am on my last semester of collage and don't even want to finish because it all seams pointless right now.My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?Okay, you've made some mistakes, but that doesn't justify your wife's actions. There is never a good reason to have an affair or to have a one night stand when you're married. It is unacceptable, and it is a deal breaker.



I've been through this. Like you, I was willing to do whatever I could to still make the relationship work, but she was never sorry for her actions, and the memory of them would haunt me at the most inopportune times.



We didn't make it, and it's doubtful that you guys will either.



Stay in school, and give the counseling a shot. Take one day at a time. Remind yourself that you will be okay with or without her. You'll get through this...My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?
Cheating is not forgivable, even there was only once....if I were in your situation, I will get divorce without any hesitate. Just opinion of myself for your reference.My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?How on earth does someone feel that he needs to apologize to her? She cheated on him! If she wasn't happy she should've talked to him about it or gotten a divorce.
the part about this that really makes me wonder is why she is wanting to go out with out you this weekend...I think I would ask about that one if it were me...just saying.My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?OMG ... you people are so sick



She is one who cheated no matter what ever the reasons are and she should be sorry



People who are defending here are complete @**My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?
The thing I want to know before answering your question is how did you find out? This is important because it possibly shows her motives. Though you do know her best, you also didn't know she would cheat, so you should consider that there are a lot of things you don't understand about her personality and motivations right now.



If you found out by catching her in the act, or catching her in a lie (in other words, she wasn't going to tell you until you found out), then there is a good chance that she is only wanting to make it work or see a specialist is because she is humiliated and embarrassed that SHE did something wrong after always blaming you for her troubles. Some women find power in having ammo to use against their lover/spouse, such as "you don't do this or that for me, and I always take care of the kids, etc." because it gives them security with the relationship. If someone like this messes up, now they need to fix it to get back to their comfort zone, and know that it will never be the same for them.



Though, it could also be in this case that she was found out and never realized how much it would truly hurt you. Sometimes this could be enough to start over and work things out, in which case positive visits to a specialist would really help. I don't want to give you false hope, because if you found out, then it will always be in the back of your mind that she might have never told you for the rest of your life if you didn't take action. This can cause scars on even the best relationships that recover from cheating.



However, if she did confess, then this is a clear sign of her guilt. She must've gone through some restless nights thinking about what she did, realizing that after the fact it was not as appealing as it was leading up to the act of infidelity. As long as you never bring it up during unrelated arguments in the future, then I say go for it if you still love her.



But again, it could be a slight chance that she was more afraid of being found out, rather than the guilt getting to her to make her confess. This could be another case of my first example where she doesn't want to lose her sense of security with the relationship by giving you ammo against her, and she is convinced that you will find out sooner or later, and feels that telling you about it will have much less of an impact and give her a greater chance of being forgiven.



This is up to you to decide, but I am pretty sure one of these scenarios matches yours, as I have gone through similar situations. If she ever tries to justify her actions with you being too busy to take care of the house/kids, then I think that is stretching things a bit much. Though what you did might be wrong (I don't know specifics) it isn't comparable to what she did. Until she realizes there is no justification for what she did, then I don't think you should ever take her back in my opinion.
I know it hurts, but you need to keep moving forward with your life, with or without her.

The pain will decrease over time, unless you choose to hold on to it.

It is in your best interest to forgive her, whether you choose to stay with her or not.

The healing process will be much easier for you, once you are able to do that.

Most women have affairs due to emotional reasons and most men usually commit the same offense due to physical reasons.

Any time you trust there is a risk of being hurt and that will never change.

To trust her again, you will have to choose to do so and risk being hurt again.

There is no exception to this rule, not with a spouse, a friend, or anybody other than God Himself.My wife had a one night stand and I am lost hurt and confused?
I can understand your issues with trusting her now. I would give the marriage counsellor a chance. Go through the process and try to make it work without prejudging it. Somehow you will need to overcome the feeling of distrust in order to stay married and its likely the counsellor will be the only person who can show you the way. Not only do you need to consider your own feelings but you need to do what is also right for the kids.



Good luck
College is never pointless - get your degree. I would apologize to your wife, and beg her to go to counseling with you. She cheated because she felt a lack of respect and you will have to work to get that back. There is hope, but you have to acknowledge what you did wrong, forgive what she did wrong, and learn to trust her again. It will take time, but it can work if you both work hard. Good Luck!
Her one night stand is less the issue here. it's one of trust. Can you trust her again? Probably, yes. SHe knows what she did was wrong and wants to work on your marriage. She has admitted that she was wrong -just as you admitted that you made mistakes as well. What you have is two people that are very human...that hurt each other...but that want their lives to work together.



Go to counseling..take the chance..it's worth it.



I've been married for 20 years now and I have been in your shoes before (only much worse on both sides)...15 years ago. Things can get better - if you want them too.
I think based off what you said your marriage is capable of being saved. As a stay at home wife and mother I can understand how she felt, taking care of a working husband, children and a house can be overwhelming and stressful. Sometimes you get feeling like you work 24/7 and when u dont get help from your spouse it feels like they just dont care. I would never cheat on my husband but I think some women need to feel loved and respected and if they dont get it from their husband they get it from someone else even tho they know its wrong. On the other good for both of u for getting a better education. Go to counseling together and work thru it. Learn from your mistakes and good luck to both of you.
I see it this way that you have two choices and you have to pick one. Pack your bags and move on or sit down and talk with her and work things out. Which ever way you pick to go you will have to live with and hope that this matter does not rise up and bite the both of you in the back side later on. So many in this county have said the heck with it all and went their own way instead of working it out.



We have been married 25 years now not saying it has all been real nice.We had some really great times as well as some that would make your blood boil but in we have stayed with each other. I often wonder why but we have. Out of those 25 I spent a good many gone but always longed to be with them now that I can the wife is on the go. So it is a huge give and take never 100 % just for one person. My folks were married 50+ as well as my mom folks I have always wanted to make as far as I could until death do us part. Those 5 words mean a great deal to me.