I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?

I still love her though and don't want to lose her. She is so hurt though. How can we get through this?I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?counseling... and please... i know this may sound like i am pushing religion on you... but go to church... pray and ask God to forgive you and then to help you forgive yourself... did you repent and ask your wife's forgiveness? if she forgave you and you truly realize that you were wrong and that you would never do anything like that again that's great... but if you cannot forgive yourself you are also in bondage, by will. it is not good to feel this way but it is often harder to forgive our own mistakes then the mistakes of others. please, seek counseling at a church nearby, and ask God to restore and renew your relationship with your wife. I know not everyone agrees, but I know personally that God's grace and love is sufficient enough to bring you through anything, no matter how terrible it may seem. This is your second chance, God is waiting for you to take it. I'm begging you, at least try... you have nothing to lose....I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?
One day at a time.....I would suggest marriage counseling...It will take time for her to get over the pain and to regain the trust that she lost in you...I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?Way to go............that wasn't a very nice Christmas present. I don't know what to tell you. My experience has always been: Once a cheater, always a cheater. You are going to have to let her decide if this is what SHE wants.
you told her on christmas eve? i can tell what's probably going to happen, but answer my question first.I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?Yes, you can get through it, but it will NOT be easy, you destroyed her trust in you, and now you have to rebuild that trust that you lost, by showing her by your ACTIONS that she can trust you again. Because right now, words won't mean a thing to her.



Also, I think you and your wife should start going to marriage counseling, and especially with a Christian Marriage Counselor. Because they can counsel you from a Biblical point of view.I had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?
can you say STUPID!!!!! she should leave you just for being so stupid.it was over and done months ago.you could have worked out your problems without that info.
You caused all the pain. If she forgive you then your a lucky man. She may not and may leave you so be prepared for the consequences. If she wants to work it out with you then you need to kiss alot ofass and go get some counselingI had a one night stand about 3 months ago and just now told my wife...?
It's not your choice anymore. The decision is in her ball court. If she too wants to work it out, you will need counseling, time, and a lot of communication to get the trust back.
She is going to be hurt for a long time. Just don't do it again and try to regain her trust. But if you love her so much why didn't you consider her feelings before you cheated?
Why did you tell her? What was accomplished by this?

Since the damage is done....apologize and explain that it will never happen again.



Provide a few "innocent" details that will ally her fears.
"I still love her though and don't want to lose her."



Okay, I guess that explains why you decided to tell her this on Christmas eve.



Well, at this point there is nothing you can do, it's done. It will be pretty much up to her.
You are stupid. Let's see you got drunk and wrecked your car. Now you wish that it did not happen because the car was not replaceable. She will never trust you again. You have broken the only bond that holds 2 people together. I hope that that trim was worth all of the hurt.

Unless she is really stupid you can not get through a wall that you built 3 months ago.
I hate to say this but unless someone was going to tell her or you gave her an STD from this encounter, you really shouldn't have told her and just lived with the guilt.



Now you have her questioning whether or not you are out screwing around when you go out and she's wondering what's wrong with her and why she isn't enough for you.



You have to apologize to her and tell her why this is NEVER going to happen again. You are going to have to put up with living your life in a very open--no secrets--checking in a couple of times a day-- manner for a while until she can regain her trust in you again.



This was done and over with 3 months ago for you, but since she just found out about it, it just happened to her. She's going to take a while to get over this. You may have to go into marriage counseling for her to get over this.



If she can't forgive you, if she doesn't regain her trust in you, and she continues to throw the one night stand back into your face at every argument after about a year...then she's never going to get over it and your marriage is over.





Good Luck, I hope you and your wife are able to move past this.
Why did U tell her? And no less on Christmas Eve? What is wrong with U?
try taking things one day at a time next time don't cheat just enjoy what you have at home
I dont know if my husband and I will survive marriage problems so..I feel for you. When trust is gone (a lot of my problem) you dont have much....your wife staying will depend on how much she loves you, but many times this is not enough...love. You have to give her time, you were unfaithful and that is just a boyish prank---you did something that will destroy most marriages.



You have to talk and decide if you want to give your marriage time to heal---you have to stop cheating and she needs to heal...you have a long road ahead of you...you must also "eat a lot of gravel" to stay married to your wife. It's not impossible to stay together after a spouse is unfaithful, I am just saying, its very hard to almost impossible.



Try to put up with each other until you get past this....you have to show a constant and unbroken display of trust. It will take a while of being consistently honest and trustworthy for your wife to heal...may take years.
Negative Consequences of an Affair

From Cathy Meyer,

Your Guide to Divorce Support.

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Mutual Agreements Mean Happy Endings :

There are differing types of divorce and each one has it's own emotional and psychological intensity. There is the bilateral agreement divorce where both spouses are unhappy and conclude that they will be happier being apart. In a divorce like this, the couple is often able to come to a mutual agreement, settle their affairs amicably, and stay connected as friends with little emotional upset.



Trouble Ahead:

Then there is the unilateral divorce where one spouse makes the decision to divorce to the utter shock of the other spouse. This type of divorce means more emotional and psychological intensity for the spouse who was unaware of the problems in the marriage.



The one choosing to leave has had time to think about, reflect upon and weigh the options and to emotionally detach themselves from the marriage. The other spouse, who is caught by surprise, is normally mistreated and left to feel abandoned. There is a huge imbalance of power with the one leaving being the one in control of most aspects of whether or not the marriage will continue.



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Enter The Third Party:

Add to this a third party and the issue of an affair and the emotional intensity is compounded. Not only will the left behind spouse feel abandoned but he/she will also feel replaced by someone better, younger, more attractive. The pain in this type of divorce comes from losing a position of importance in the life of your spouse, from beliefs about immorality, betrayal and feelings of failure as a spouse.



When a third party enters a marriage, certain psychological things start to happen in the mind of the cheating spouse. Their thinking becomes skewed in order to justify their their. Denial of any wrong doing means shifting the blame and usually it all gets dumped onto the faithful spouse.



Normally a spouse who falls prey to an affair is a decent person that is aware of their behavior and how it is frowned upon by society. Even though they are aware of the immorality of their actions, they continue with the relationship, which means dealing with feelings of guilt.



The Blame Game:

These feelings of guilt motivate them to demonize the faithful spouse in an attempt to justify their affair. They will accuse their spouse of many negative and unforgivable traits and behaviors. The faithful spouse is portrayed as an inadequate partner, which left the cheating spouse no choice but to find an adequate replacement.



Not only will the faithful spouse be demonized, history is rewritten to make it appear that he/she has been inadequate for the entire duration of the marriage. The cheating spouse will recreate the marriage and what happened during the marriage to make it appear that they have suffered much pain and unhappiness throughout the entire marriage.



They may say things such as, "I was forced into marrying you" or, "You've never loved me the way I needed to be loved" or, "I have lived in hell for 20 years." He/She will say anything as long as it will enable him/her to appear to have been the victim of the marriage and fully justified in abandoning their spouse.



You Pay for Their Bad Behavior:

The cheating spouse will tell their story often and to anyone who will listen, to the point that they will finally begin to truly believe that the left behind spouse deserves punishment. The faithful spouse is the offender and the persecutor and needs to be dealt with harshly.



Punishment will come in the way of financial withholding or worse, fighting over custody for any children of the marriage. They may begin to believe that the faithful, demonized spouse is not entitled to receive any future benefits from them, sometimes not even those allowed by law.



Shocked and Awed:

The faithful spouse will question their own sanity and replay their marriage in their mind trying to find some hint of all the unhappiness they are told of by the unfaithful spouse. They will question how their spouse, someone they have loved and trusted could betray them in such a way. First to have an affair and then to rewrite the history of their marriage in such a way as to try and lay blame at their feet.



The faithful spouse will wonder how their spouse could blame them for having to have an affair and how they could defame their character after many years of being given love, respect and trust. They will wonder how their spouse cannot see how their words and blaming does damage to the children by depicting their mother/father in a bad light.



The faithful spouse will question his/her own memory of what they thought was a happy marriage. He/She will wonder if the marriage was never anything but a sham and a figment of their imagination. They will wonder why the unfaithful spouse never complained if they were unhappy or why they never made a request for changes in the relationship.



Being punished for your spouse's cheating is an overwhelming state in which to find yourself. Recovery from the stress of such a profound emotional trauma is slow. If you have found yourself in such a situation, remember, with time comes healing and understanding. You will laugh again, love again and the sun will shine again. All you have to do is trust your memories, never forget that the insanity caused by an affair is not your fault and that you are not alone because in today's society cheating is the number one reason for divorce.



You and Your Spouse's Affair

The Other Man/Other Woman

Responding to Your Spouse's Affair

Spying on a Cheating Spouse

Divorce 101

Legal, Financial and Emotional Aspects of Divorce

Steps in the Divorce Process

Divorce Without an Attorney

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