I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?

Once I hit 35 with no significant other in my life, I made the decision to have a baby via donor sperm. I tried the insemination process a few times and it was unsuccessful and very disappointing. People who have a partner to have sex with regularly have trouble and I was trying to pick the right day to conceive - only 1 chance to get it right and almost $2K each time I try. I then put the process on hold for a year to try to get a better handle on my cycle before I tried one more time (which would have been my last since Im not a wealthy person). Over the course of the year, I became very frustrated and depressed because I could not track when the right day was no matter what process I used. The month before my last try (I was 37 years old) I was on vacation and met a guy who I had a lot of fun with and the night ended at his place. We became intimate and being in my rut - I allowed him to move forward without use of a condom knowing I was taking the risk of STD. He never asked if I was on birth control nor did I offer him this information. Had he asked I would not have lied - I cant carry that kind of guilt. During my visit we saw each other another night and then I returned home. A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I now added a new layer of confusion into my life. I was OK with being a single mom via donor sperm becaue I had all the info on the anonomys donor to share with my child one day. NOW - I have no information but hesitated to tell the father for several reasons - he did not plan to be a parent that night - I fear he may make my life difficult. I could lie and say I dont know how to contact him, but Id carry the guilt of knowing I was lying and cheating her of someone who may want to be involved. Im so conflicted over this and it bothers every day since she was born. I didnt tell him when I first found out becuase I wanted to make sure it was going to be a healthy pregnancy. I then was dealing with my moms cancer so put the decison on hold again - now she is here - she is beautiful and perfect and I hate myself for not telling him. Each time I think of picking up the phone, I get scared - I dont know how to go about it or even if I should. I have not named him on the birth certificate nor am I looking for child support. I know my daughter could get plenty of love from me and my family - but I dont want to cheat her of having a father who may want to be involved. I feel I waited too long and still not sure what to do. PLEASE offer me some advice - looking for the male point of view. Once again - I dont need nor am I looking for child support.I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?Yes you should definitely tell him....I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?
you need to tell the father about his daughter he has a right to know and he has a right to decide whether or not he wants to be apart of his daughters life, just stop hesitating and just tell himI have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?You should absolutely tell him. The worst that is going to happen is that he won't want to be involved and you'll be no worse off than you are. Explain to him that you don't want his money, just to offer the chance to be a father. Good luck honey.I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?
I know that you are looking for the male point of view honey, but I really feel that you need to tell him. He may be angry and upset that you didn't tell him straight out, but it would be better to give him the opportunity to have contact with his daughter, then to have to tell your little girl why she doesn't have a daddy around when she starts asking those questions. If he doesn't want anything to do with you or her, then at least he knows the truth and can look for her in the future, and you can tell your daughter that he does know about her. Look at it from his point of view; in 16 years time, your daughter may want to find her father. How horrible would it be for her to turn up on his doorstep and be told that he knows nothing about her and that you were nothing but a one-night stand. It would devistate her. But if you were honest and told him, even if he doesn't want anything to do with her, it won't be a shock when she turns up on his doorstep with a load of questions. Phone him, and explain everything to him. Maybe even get him to look at this question, and just see what he has to say. The very worst that can happen is that he says he doesn't want anything to do with her, and you will no longer be wondering.



You need to do it for your peace of mind as much as anything.



*hugs*I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?As difficult as it may be to tell him, he has a right to know that he has a child. You might find it easier to notify him by letter, but do let him know. You may also stress that you don't need child support and that you don't require him to be part of the child's life, but be prepared emotionally in case he decides he wants visitation. He is entitled to be as much a part of the child's life as he wants to be. Good luck!I have a 3 month old from a one night stand and conflicted about telling the father who I barely know?
One night stand or no, he has a right to know he's a father. If he wants to be a part of his child's life, you should let him. If he wants nothing to do with her, you should have him terminate his rights so he can't come back later and sue for custody.
I agree with the others, you must tell him. Writing a letter and perhaps including a small picture of your child would be nice. Tell him that you don't expect involvement or his money, but that you knew it was morally right to let him know. Be prepared that he might want to be involved in many ways, so see how you feel about that.



Plus, if you had a great time with this man for a short time, who's to say you couldn't co-parent in a healthy way this baby? One day your daughter will be very grateful.



On the negative side, he may react badly at first, so be prepared for that. But give him some time to digest it before you decide you made a "mistake" by telling him or that you shouldn't have. He may come around after a period of time. And yes, you really do owe it to your daughter to tell him. And you haven't waited too long. She's only a young one.