I slept with a guy on a one night stand and now I believe I've lost my TRUE lover forever?

Well four years ago I fell in love with Josh (that was even before Dylan who I dated for nearly two years) He got angry at me way back in november of 06 and he didn't talk to me for a long time til about two? years ago. but when we started talking again we were just as in love as ever. we have even been planning to move in for a long time (btw he is long distance.) we weren't dating and he tells me to date other people for the mean time. and I have and they mean nothing to me.



The other night I invited my friend over (who is getting sent to basic in 16 days) and one thing lead to the next and I slept with him. And I had to tell josh. (josh always admired me because I had morals and didn't sleep with just anyone.) so he was very very very angry (this is the third time I have slept with someone while with josh but one was rape and the other was with someone I was at least dating). he told me he never wanted to talk to me again and I was a whore and hoped I would get pregnant.I



t's only been a day but I feel like a completely different person without him. I haven't been alone in so long. The weirdest thing is i feel like myself as i was when I was 14 (now that I think about it. that was the age I was when Josh stopped talking to me for years because of the fight in nov. 06) and I don't want anyone but josh. for once in yearrrrrs I have been completely alone. and I don't want anyone to be by my side but josh. I crave attention. As shallow as that is, I do, I just do. But now that I have lost Josh I can't bring myself to even get near anyone else. I don't even want anyone to comfort me. And that's very unlike me.



I don't know what to do without him, I love him so much. I want his forgiveness so bad but I know I don't deserve it. What can I do? I truly can't stand being without him. What can I tell him?



Oh and if you want to call me a whore.. go for it... I called my friend crying and forced him to call me a whore over and over again. Go for it. I want to suffer for what I've done.I slept with a guy on a one night stand and now I believe I've lost my TRUE lover forever?You call him, or get in touch with him in person, and you say this:



"I don't know what to do without him, I love him so much. I want his forgiveness so bad but I know I don't deserve it. What can I do? I truly can't stand being without him."



Then you apologize. Grovel. And you tell him that you hate yourself for what you did, that you know it was really wrong. Then you ask him for a second chance.



If he won't listen to your apology, accept that. What you did was really awful, so he has a right to be angry.



You might want to seek counseling if he won't take you back because you sound like you're getting depressed.I slept with a guy on a one night stand and now I believe I've lost my TRUE lover forever?your a whore