ive been seeing my girlfriend for 15months and last week cheated on with one of her friends flatmates after a binge drinking session. She phoned me up the next morning in tears telling me this apologising etc. I went and met her and she told me she couldn't remember a thing that happened,her friend saying she couldn't even stand and was being carried about...
Every time she looks at me shes starts to cry I ask her why she tells me its because of the hurt in my eyes that she has caused. She's told the friends she was out with that night she no longer wants to see them again as they are acting as if it wasn't a big deal etc. I noticed on my girlfriends arm she has been self harming and scratched ****** into arm and followed by alot of cuts.
I dont know what to do.. I love her to bits but I'm also a very proud person,, should I forgive and forget and work towards our future or draw a line down the middle and go our separate ways?
thanks for taking the time to read and sorry for such a long question....Should I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?Finish your problems as soon as you could never keep it for longer. It is only going to be trouble. If you think apologising is the right thing to do then go apologise. And you shouldn't really hurt people.Should I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?
Sounds like she is genuinly sorry, she could of easily hidden this from you and not told you. As for forgiving her only u can decide that, on how much u love her and want to be with her. Forgiving is the easy bit, its the forgetting thats the hardest thing. If she is self harming she needs to get some help too, dont let this cloud your thoughts and judgement on getting back with her, it has to be cos u really want to not cos she is hurting herself....good luckShould I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?If your girlfriend was so drunk she couldn't stand then she was raped. At the time she was not able to tell the person yes with a clear mind obviously. You should get her help because she is not dealing with this well. It was not her fault, just be there for her .
Sounds as if she's in a mess generally...tell her you'll only stay with her if she gets counselling as she obviously has low self - esteem.Should I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?probably best to let this one down gently but clearly not a keeper. you're only delaying the inevitable by staying with her and i'm speaking out of experience.Should I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?
Absolutely not! Trust me, she'll do it again. LEAVE HER, and find someone worth your time.
one more chanceShould I forgive girlfriend after drunken one night stand?
no, you need to leave her and move on
Normally, I would say dump the girl. But, she does seem to be so very upset that maybe you should work towards a resolution.
People do the oddest things when pissed. I know, been there, done it and stole the tee shirt.
Forgive her, this time, but keep her clear of the guy in question and her mates flat.
Make sure they used protection too. You don't want her pregnant and you still feeling sorry.
If she suddenly gets pregnant check it out in case it's not yours.
Oh well man, this is really a tough one. So read up.
First of all, it seems your girlfriend needs a little counseling. I mean its one thing to feel guilty about a drunken one night stand, but to actually mutilate herself is something. Seems to me she could use a little professional help on this area. See, here is the thing, dont you think it could be possible that she is doing this to herself just to emotionally blackmail you? So that shed get sympathy from you and youd just forgive and forget like that? If that is the case, then I dont think you should let her manipulate you in this way. If you are going to take her back, it should be for the right reasons, and not just because you feel threatened she is going to hurt herself.
On to your question. Well man, I can only tell you what Id do in my perspective the same way as others can. But we are not you. The thing you have to ask yourself is can you get yourself to not just forgive but forget. As in forget that it ever happened at all, and you would trust her again as if nothing happened. Me? I know I aint like that. Trust is an important issue, its like a crystal glass that when shattered it can never be the same again. Sure you can patch up the pieces, but it will never look the way it did no matter what. But maybe you are the kind of person who can forgive and forget if she is that important to you. The thing is, if you think you can forget and you are willing to give her your confidence that she wont do it again. Then by all means take her back. But if not, then just forgive her, and move on. You can still be friends if you want. The thing is, its difficult that at a certain point you are gonna use this episode as something to get back on her when your pissed off. And that is not good.
But I advice you to not answer that question for now. Help her heal, try to get her some counseling. Put everything on hold for now. Then take some time to heal yourself and soul search. Then decide if you will take her back or not.
There are plenty of non-cheating women out there. If she did it to you once and you took her back, you're just setting yourself up to have it happen again. She may not be so willing to tell you about it the next time that it happens...or the time after that. In my experience, cheaters always cheat again. How are you going to be able to have sex with her again and not think about her giving herself up to another man?
The fact that she's been cutting on herself is also another red flag. Crazy usually never goes away, it only gets worse. A crazy cheater? NO EFFING THANKS.
Like I said, there are tons of other women out there. You may like this one right now, but this relationship is pretty well doomed no matter what you do. Your feelings will eventually fade and you will be much better off having put this whole experience behind you.
It's always difficult for me to give advise in these situations. A lot of times, I say to not forgive and move on, but it's always a bit different when the cheater expresses obvious remorse.
Look, if you love this girl, and you think that you CAN forgive her, and still have a happy relationship with her, then do it. If you believe that she honestly feels like **** about it (sounds like she does, maybe even to the point of needing therapy), then forgive her. Also, if she is making changes in her life to ensure that the circumstance in which the cheating occurred never happens again, that is also a good sign.
I say these things because I am a one- time, one night stand cheater myself. The same exact thing happened to me in a previous relationship, and I didn't remember anything that happened, but only the consequences of what I did. I told my boyfriend, he broke up with me, I deserved it. He wanted to get back together with me, and I denied the offer because I felt that he could do better.
Three years later (actually, over three years later), that incident is STILL at the top of my list of reasons why I am a horrible person. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost three years, and have never, ever done anything like that to him, and I KNOW I never will. It was a one time thing.
There are some people out there who genuinely make mistakes. I didn't feel that I should be forgiven, and it sounds as if your girlfriend might feel as if she should not be forgiven either. But if you want to forgive her, and you believe her about everything that she says, and you want to be with her, then give her another chance. It sounds as if she is the type to never do it again, as it has caused her seemingly more pain than it has caused you.
No problem, I love reading.
If it were me, I wouldn't let her abuse and manipulate you like this. If you and your girlfriend see each other everyday through work or whatever I'd say slowly let her down claim that it's just not there anymore etc etc... But if you guys don't see each other on a regular basis when you aren't being coupley then I would sever ties with her. If she did this at one binge drinking sesh with her flatmates she will do it again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow but she will do it. And don't let it be to you. It makes no sense to let her continually hurt you and hurt herself for hurting you. If you forgive her you're saying it's alright, if you let her go, she'll be less inclined to do it to someone else.
wow. Dude, i think you really should forgive her. Her mind is confused now. If she stay like this forever, something bad is going to happen. You even said that she have scratches and cuts on her arm. Those are signs that she's SUPER sad. It's okay cause she was obviously drunk, since you said that her friend told you she couldn't even stand and was being carried about. Just forgive her dude. Tell her it's okay and since she didn't mean it and forgot everything about it, you will love her regardless of anything. And so, the answer to you question is to just forgive and forget. :) But i think i know how you feel. You feel like you couldn't trust her anymore right? If you really do love her, don't let her go. I hope i helped.
to be honest mate you need to leave her as hard as it may be but in my eyes once a cheat always a cheat. ive been in the same boat bro so im feeling for ya its not nice at all and very tough. my gf cheated on me after 2 years together and drink was the excuse, i forgave her and thought we could move on but hey guess what 6 months later she did it again, that was the final straw for me and she was out. The trust is gone and it will always be in the back of your mind when she goes out and you will always be worrying if she will do it again.
you can do better than that and dont need that in your life. go your seperate ways and enjoy life
Whatever anyone on here says, everyone makes mistakes.
It happened once and she clearly feels terrible about it, so obviously this should really be a one off. Hopefully she has learnt her lesson and realises that going out and getting completely wasted and not being in control is dangerous and could seriously endanger her relationship with you.
If you think you could put your pride to one side and give it another try then you should sit down and tell her that you want to draw a line under what happened and want to focus on the future but that means her being responsible when going out with her friends - that being your main condition. Also reassure her that her self harming isn't proving anything. What would prove her love to you is if she continues her commitment to only you from here on out.
However - if you think you will never really be able to fully forgive or trust her again, and if you feel that this situation has changed your feelings towards her completely, then it might be in both of your best interests to end this now before you feel resentful and take it out on her, which may lead to more self harm and even an uglier break up.
Stay with her.
People make mistakes. I did a similar thing to my boyfriend and i regreted it just like she has shown. I know i will never do such a thing and regret it every day.
You can still be a proud guy. Be proud that she came to you and admitted it and regrets it.
Be proud that you can truly saay that you love someone even when they make mistakes.
Im not saying to let her treat you like ****. But this was clearly just a mistake. If she does it again then you leave. But give her one chance.
You really need to talk to her about the self harming and probably get her to talk to someone about it if it continues you dont want it getting out of hand.
Good Luck, I really hope it all works out for you
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