We JUST got married and my husband had a one night stand. What should I do?

My husband and I have been together nearly 6 years but we only got married 2 months ago. He just got back from a week and a half away with his band on tour. When he came home we had sex twice that day. The next day I gave him oral, then a couple days later, he seemed not himself, so I asked him what was wrong. He just grabbed my hands and said, "beautiful, I'm so sorry. When I was on tour, I was unfaithful." I couldn't believe it. Me and him were THAT couple that everyone constantly went on and on about how in love we are, and especially how he looked at me. On our wedding day people were just baffled at how together we were and how perfectly in love we were with each other. Everyone said that if only one couple would last, it would be us. We have been best friends long before we dated. He is the smartest person I know (I thought) and MANY of our friends and family would say the same thing too. He is so well read and constantly writing as his goal in life is to be the best he can be as a husband and future father and as a human being. But to me, he failed because he did the one thing that will always and forever make us different people. How could he do this? We've talked for days and days now and just sat with each other and ignored the outside world to focus on us and figure out the root of the problem. The main problem is, there wasn't a problem. I felt like I was high on love and felt like the LUCKIEST person in the world because I knew I had the BEST man out there (for me) and he said the same things about me. And now my options are to stay knowing that things will always be a little worse, or leave and probably never feel anything again. Oh my god, I had never thought in a million years that there was only one person out there for you, and he made me realize that for me, there was and he was that one person. He made me wanna be a better person and I made him wanna be a better person...or did I? He has been crying for days and apologizing over and over and he's been throwing up when he thinks about it. He has been VERY honest about EVERYTHING. I know that he hasn't done this in the past...but how do I know he won't do it in the future. He said he was SO drunk and has never been that drunk before. He said it was like all of a sudden he was watching himself in a movie and he couldn't believe what was happening. He said It was like he lost complete control. The next day on the drive home he said he just couldn't figure out why he would do such a thing to the most important person in his life, he kept saying to himself, "but I love my wife, why would I do that". But how could you just forget about your wife for a night? Well not even a night. The biggest problem, he didn't use a condom and though he said he never "finished" I am still so worried about STD's. He said that right afterwards he just felt ashamed and guilty and knew he had to tell me, but didn't know how since trust is a BIG one for me. I have a hard time trusting people considering I come from a family of drug addicts. My father is an alcoholic who I haven't seen or spoken with for 4 years now. He abandoned me and my brother as a child and started making false promises constantly when I was about 16 years old. He has never come through with one of the promises.


My husband said he is quitting the band even if I don't stay with him because this proves that it doesn't bring out the best in him (he has been in the band for 12 years) and he said he doesn't want to be THAT person. He doesn't have a drinking problem in the least, but he said that he won't drink again because it makes you lose control and he said he never wants to be there again. He also said he is going to counselling and is begging me to go as well. He thinks it's would be good if we went to the same person for marriage counselling and then talk that that same person individually as well. He said this way I could ask the counselor anything about what he said in his sessions and he would have no problem with the counselor telling me. Me and my husband honestly have no secrets...but is it possible to trust again? I feel so alone and dirty and disrespected and humiliated. How would we ever be able to have sex again? It seems so hard. Am I just a sex object to him sometimes. Does that mean he will always see other women the same way he sees me and just has to not give in to temptation? I could never look at a man the same way I look at my husband...not even the hottest man alive because to me that was my husband. What would you do if you were me?? I am so lost and defeated.|||Oh just urinate in the DOLTS face and tell him it better never happen again.|||Testing to c where this will post

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|||Dear Beautiful,


my husband (we're one of those couples like you described) told me in May that inbthe 1st year of our 22 yr marriage he did something just like what your husband did %26amp; was devastated. Only, henwas counseled by a chaplain never to tell me. Read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. R u there?

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|||The secret almost killed him. I forgive him and he paid for his drunken error with his health and inability to fully enjoy our marriage. He's his old self now that he came clean and our marriage is experiencing rebirth. Your hubby was wise to come clean. Get book. This is recoverable.

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|||got Cliff's Notes version of this?|||Wow, that was a lot of reading...


dump him..|||i am sorry for your broken heart i know it hurts but he didn't have to tell you and he is wanting to fix it i know being drunk isn't a excuse but it will make you do things you wouldn't do sober this should make him never take another drink again that's for sure but it is up to you whether to stay or go if you can get past this and forgive him stay if not go but no one is perfect everyone makes mistakes and every relationship has problems sometimes know matter how much you love each other nothing is perfect in life|||hey. maybe you should let your parents know... that he cheated on you while he was on his tour...... if you feel like you cant trust him and wants a divorce... you should do it because he is not a faithful man... he knew he was already married, very well taken and unalvailabe........ if you feel like you cant trust him enough and be with him... then do what you think is right...... you should go get tested too..... i dont believe him about not finishing it..... he probably has and wants to hide that so it'll look alot nicer... but thats not the point... he slept with another women......... please do what your heart tells you.......... i'm sorry for what happened to you..........|||Sadly there is no guarantee in others saying nice things about your relationship. In fact it doesn't mean a thing.





This man had sex with a random woman shortly after marrying you. Then he jumped on you after his return, exposing you to STD's. He might as well be expecting a baby at the moment for all you know.





Your whole story is about HIM and others. But where are YOU in this situation? I wouldn't allow him to drag you into counseling together at the moment. If I were you, I'd kick his butt (at least temporary) and go into counseling ALONE. You can take it from there.|||Did I just answer this and say give therapy a chance or get a divorce. I'm not reading that wall of text.|||1st off.. wow that was long, 2nd obviously u adore this man from the way u talk about him and the fact u had to explain his side and his qualities. it sounds like u are trying to convince yourself as much as us. 3rd As for not finishing that is a lie. No i dont know what happened that night but he did his deed and he is trying to make his confession go easier on you. Take it for what it was worth. A sexual indiscreation that kills him to have u think about the details. now answer me this. Can you let it go? is it right to let it go? How long will it take for you to throw it in his face? Every man gets faced with temptation at some point and we just all have to hope they can persevere past it but if not are you really willing to live with his mistake? Some people can. If he is willing to give up his band he is basically saying hey i dont want that temptation no more. i want you. it is understanding there are things that are beyond is control and there are things that are within and the fact he is taking advantage of what he can is saying something. I think you should work it out but try to figure out if he told you for the namesake of telling you or if there was a source or potential leak that prompted him to tell you before. Look at the situation from an outside point of view. I dated a guy that cheated (i guess) and the idea of touching him made me sick but my husband and me seperated before we married and he was with someone else and i couldnt stand the idea of him with another woman or not with me and it prompted me to work things out with him. Make sure you understand as well as he that sexually, u may feel different. So that way you guys can work past it. Good luck|||I'd be inclined to say that once someone has cheated, it becomes easier to do it again and again. However, having the courage to tell you is even harder to do and he did, so hopefully that bodes well for your relationship.








j0e|||If you love him and want to give him another chance then I would go to the counseling like he suggested. It was a good sign that he told you in the first place...he could have kept it secret....he was really drunk at the time and since he has never done it before I would tell him you expect him to be stone cold sober from now on and that he is on probation...you have invested alot of time in this relationship so I hate to see you throw it all away...as far as trusting him again the only answer for that is time...If you Truly love him in time you will be able to trust him again..eventually...as for the std...Its less likely for men to get them from women than for women to get them from men...I would suggest that you have him put a raincoat on his fireman for awhile and get tested...if the test come back clean for six months or so then you should be in the clear as far as that goes...good luck|||You don't dump your husband, because what was the point of marrying each other if you do. People are tards and they make mistakes and if they are sincere about it then they should be forgiven. Love doe snot keep records of wrongs. He was drunk and you are never the same person drunk that you are sober so he should fallow through on his promise to quit and also on leaving his band because it's not an appropriate job for a married man. He loves you very much or he would have never felt bad and told you so get some counciling and don't believe that you aren't beautiful enough or a sex object. He loves you or he would never had married you. People screw up but as their best friends we have to find it in ourselves to forgive and take the necessary steps to move on with our lives. If he becomes a repeat offender then I would get an annulment and relies that his problems really have nothing to do with your self worth.|||I never thought I would say this, but I would try to work through it. He seems to be willing to do whatever it takes to get through this. Honestly he didn't even have to tell you he cheated. He could've kept it from you forever if he was a dog. It is understandable that you would be very upset. You will be for quite a while. I think with some hard work it can be overcome. You know this person very well and you said you know he's never done this before. As long as he knows you will never give another chance after this one. Let him quit his band. Let him prove to you that he is sorry for what he's done. I think this guy could be worth it.|||first of all i want to say im sooo sorry u r going through this.. 2 months in marriage ONLY! that was very wrong of him to do... thats why i think ppl that r in bands or acters/actresses always do things like that! so he should really quit the band. All i can tell u is try to forgive and forget! If he ever does it again then do u will have to do something about it . I no how u feel i been cheated on by my husband. But we were not married yet. but i still cant forget but i stuck with him becuase i do love hiM!|||why was he drinking around women? if he quits the band i would have hope, but i think he's full of it, if you dump him no he would not quit the band. get counseling from a pastor. he sounds like he's still putting on a performance. it doesn't matter one wit what others say about you 2 as a couple.


and please use paragraphs.|||awww poor dear, u know something ? finding some one this loyal now aint that easy these days. i dont think he will repeat it again , u've got a gr8 guy , go ahead go for counselling, and do trust ur guy =) . by the way u've portrayed ur relationship, it seems to be a great love. respects :).|||Get a divorce immediately, if you choose to stay with him this thing will haunt you for the rest of your time with him. I'm very sorry to hear that, but people do get married to the wrong people which is ok everyone makes mistakes and wrong decisions. Good luck.|||I think you should give him a chance, not that it will be easy. He chose to confess, and he sounds like he is broken from it. Go to counseling with him, work hard on your marriage and give it a chance before you leap into a divorce. You need to tell him how much this hurt you and what you are going through because of his actions.





Good luck, my heart goes out to you.|||Just get rid of him. He messed up by breaking your trust, which isn't coming fully back - ever. So, you may as well get it over with now.|||You have a long, difficult road ahead of you. My ex cheated on me and although I wanted it to work out I couldn't get past his lies and infidelities. We divorced and I have never looked back.


Get tested for STD's. The fact that he didn't "finish" doesn't mean a damn thing. He can still get an std even if he didn't climax. He sounds repentant enough but I doubt you'll ever have the same amount of trust you had. Good luck to you. The best advice I can give you is, trust your gut. If it says leave, then leave. If it says you can trust him again, make sure it's your gut and not your heart talking.