Back in Sept we had a big fight and I accused him of cheating on me. Well he went to the bar to deal poker( second job) and well got drunk as a skunk and well did just that , cheated. He has been hazy the last few months on what really happened, but never admitted to knowing for sure whether he did something or not. We worked through, and I forgave him( or so I thought) for even the possibility of it and moved on. I occasionally brought it up to dog him....I now realize that I never forgave him truly if I still brought it up.
This past friday night he went to a friends bday party and never came home. He finally called Monday morn to tell me that he saw the girl he slept with and everything came back. He said he couldnt come home and face me because he would have ended our marriage to let me go find someone I deserve. I am willing to truly forgive him. He just wont come home because he dosent forgive himself right now. He says he loves me, but dosent love himself right now...|||If he's not coming home, where is he staying? He probably remembered the one-night stand because he did it again when he saw her. He knows he is guilty but he doesn't want to forgive himself because he probably wants to do it again. He's giving you a reason to end the marriage. You're forgiving and loving and he feels small because he knows that he is capable of finding satisfaction somewhere else. You could try counseling or couples therapy and spend countless hours trying to figure out how to work through this but I think the answer is clear. I'm sorry, sister, but it's time for you to end this marriage.|||good|||Get yourselves off for some marriage counseling. You need to truly forgive him, so that you don't keep bringing it up and keeping the sore spot alive.
And he needs to both forgive himself, and change some of his behaviors so that he's not exposed to the same temptations.|||Oh he does love himself right now, he's just banking on you not loving yourself very much right now. I hope life improves for you in the future, all the best.|||You two definitely need therapy, someone to help you sort through it all. What he's doing now is undermining your relationship and without help you'll have no choice but to divorce.|||u are a fool again if u believe that...he didn't come home because him and that girl "hooked up again"...|||yeah right, sounds to me like he's been dabblin' with this girl still. A man that distraught over a one night stand, sounds fishy to me!|||Give him a little time to come to terms with what he's done. Men deal with their emotions different than women. He needs some time to process.|||You need to seek therapy in a bad way!|||i think he is making up exscuses, sounds liek he doesnt want to come home becasue he would rather be with the other girl. mve on hnny.|||Sounds to me like he cheated again ~ what he is feeding you is a crock of s hit. If it were true, he would have left the party immediately to come home to you. He is obviously trying to turn this around on you so you give him sympathy which will eventually turn into forgiveness every time he cheats....you need to take the blinders off and get to the bottom of this.|||My bf of 7yrs gave me herpes on our 2nd yr. We werent together when he slept with that girl. So, I more less no exactly what you are feeling when you say the feelings are coming back . If you can't forgive and forget then you need to move on. Because it will never work out. Meaning not bringing it up when you are in a fight and you are upset. I did that for a very long time I would throw it his face which meant I had not forgave him and at the end it was not worth it. Did it hurt that he slept with someone else?? Absolutely but guess what I dont even think about it anymore. I dont waste my energy on her and what he did. Whats done is done. If he cant forgive himself then leave him alone let him get this time to realize what he did and let him come back when he's ready dont pressure him cuz if you do he's gonna come back because you asked him and not because he wanted too. And you dont want that. The minute a man cheats and you take them back you have already forgave them. So, let it go be happy and forgive and forget as hard as it is. Good luck!|||um..maybe he's see the same girl again and decide to live in her house?|||You are more forgiving than i am. I wouldn't be able to forgive that kind of indiscretion, drunk or not. He has a right to be ashamed of himself. If you do love him and are willing to forgive and move past this, then you should seek marriage counseling, and work on the trust in your marriage.
I wish you the best of luck.|||She must be one UGLY woman or he is lying.|||where's he at? not with the girl i hope!
try marriage counseling - its worth the try.|||i don't think u Will b able to forgives him fully and forget about it........ i think he will keep on going back to that person but maybe am saying it because i dint know your partner as well as u do....if u think u can save on What u got or its worth fighting for then i would suggest counselling|||He may have just need time to come to terms with his actions. I would not just forgive either. If you just forgive quickly, he may think that he can do it gain. I think you two may need to go to some couple counseling and talk about it with the help of a third, objective party. You guys can work it out. A counselor will be able to help you get to the heart of the problem and help you resolve your feeling, so that you are not tempted to bring it up every time you guys fight. Good luck...this is a hard situation, but if you truely love each other, you can make it work.|||sounds like he's stupid and on a "guilt trip" he's just looking for an excuse to tell you that he doens't want to be married to you anymore. Why wouldn't he come home? come on- someone else is already doing him so don'tw aster your time I don't beleive in that saying once a cehater always a cheater but in this case- he knew what was at the party he went to why didn't he take you?? EXACLY!! that;s my point because he knew that the gurl he was "seeing" was gonna be there and he couldn't show up with you. Note: get divorce he obviously has no intentions in working things out. If he's really sorry for what he did why would he do it again? why would he not come home the next day and at least lie to you and tell you he was so drunk he couldnt drive or something?? it's because he doens't care! he's "over you" and wants to live his life as if he were single again so give him his freedom and don't look back. This is gonna be tough for you because you probably love him alot but if doens't love you what can you do?? that's my point! move on and pray to God for a good man. He's just not the one for you because if he was he wouldn't be doing this to you.|||buttsecks|||If you truly believe that he is sorry and that it won't happen again then you should try to work this out. You need to get to a marriage counselor ASAP to help you both work through this.
However, don't become a door mat. Let him know that while you forgive him this is not behavior you will tolerate ever again. Be strong for him, but also for yourself.
Sorry you have to go through this; it's gotta be rough. Good luck to you both.|||Get rid of this looser!!!|||sounds to me like he's got issues....if he says he needs space, then take it at face value and give him space. Maybe he really does need time to sort things through, but I'm wondering if he's using this as a way to get YOU to end the marriage so that he doesn't look like the bad guy?|||I think he is having a good time with "her" again.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Don't you know? They never feel guilty, somehow they always twist it and make you feel like the guilty one for what they did. They can never understand why you are upset about it. He is laying it on you thick and you are falling for it. I wish you luck, your gonna need it.
BTW.... What made you accuse him of cheating to start with? you must of had suspicions.|||Dont make the same mistake i did go to marriage counseling i worth the save of marriage i cheated on my wife and know she cant forgive me|||Honey, I know you're scared right now, but I'm sorry to say that I believe he's just playing you. He must have done something with that girl again, or he would not have run off and not come home. I have to say, he's right though, to stay away from you if he's unsure if he'll do it again. It almost sounds like he wants "time" to see if he can get with her, and if he can't, he can always call you and tell you he's decided he "can be faithful and is coming home". I think it's kind of sad that you are willing to be so forgiving to someone that obviously cannot say he's truly committed to you. My advice, let him stew, and work on YOU. Act as if, and operate as if he's never coming back. That way you'll be a strong woman by the time this is done, and if he doesn't, you're still okay. Also, while you have this time, THINK about if you really want to be with someone that says himself he cannot guarantee you he won't cheat on you again. You have a very forgiving heart (almost to a fault) and you deserve so much better than a wishy washy partner. Good luck to you. FOCUS on YOU. Keep yourself busy. Play with your kids. Do things YOU love to do. Try not to make it ALL on his terms! Don't let HIM call all the shots on if YOU get hurt or not!|||First of all being DRUNK is the oldest and lamest excuse in the book.There is NO reason,excuse or justification for cheating ever..Divorce the loser and move on.You should have more respect for yourself.He not only cheated on you once but twice WAKE up..A leopard does not change his spots..If you like being disrespected and treated like garbage then stay with him but he is a total loser..He is not coming home right now because he is enjoying himself..Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing and you obviously cannot trust him so what do you have.....|||I'm really sorry to say this .....
I think the problem is that his guilt is not so much about the one night stand, i believe it could be that he doesn't feel the same way anymore and knows he's going to hurt you by leaving......
I believe that's why he said that you deserve better.....because he knows that you're a nice person, and he probably knows how much you love him and how he can't give that back to you.....
I'm inclined to believe that he could possibly be seeing this other girl and that's why he's not coming home.....
If he truely wanted to rectify this issue, i believe he would be there in a heart beat.
I'm really sorry, i think he's just avoiding having to tell you it's over........
Chi Chi x.|||Suggest counselling for the two of you. Even if you don't need it, he does, he needs for himself and for his love for you to do something tangible to show that what happened was an accident and that he truly is trying to make ammends.
You might be surprised, you might need it too.
"Back in Sept we had a big fight and I accused him of cheating on me. Well he went to the bar to deal poker( second job) and well got drunk as a skunk "
Sounds like you have some things to work through beyond the cheating, which is okay. It sounds like you both love each other a lot.
Counselling! When both parties are committed to working and love each other, it should work well.|||Are you sure he is really upset with himself and that is why he won't come home? Did you ever think he might be out with this girl again? Where is he staying? You can forgive but the truth is it is alot harder on your relationship because you will never be able to forget it. I think your husband is wrong for running away from his problem. He should be with you and try talking to work things out not staying away. To me that makes everything worse. If you want to save your marriage you should both start counseling.
OPPS.. I missed this part...here is your big clue... you said it.................
he says he cant come home until he knows that he would never do it to me again.
Time to let him go, that is not fair to you.|||True repentance comes when the person believes that they will not repeat the transgression. He now knows that he is capable of cheating, but that doesn't mean he has to. Wanting something new and exciting is totally normal but there is nothing more fulfilling than a happy marriage. Instant gratification is fleeting and will make him feel how he feels now but committing to someone and working to earn their love (everyday) will make him truly content. Tell him to visualize what life will be like when the two of you are in the twilight of your lives. Marriage is hard work and just like any job if you work at it when you are young you will be set when it comes time to retire.
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